Day 24: The Haunting

This one is for those of you that have committed to the day by day battles of bettering yourself. I believe every single one of us goes through today's topic and I hope you enjoy my take on what I call The Haunting.

The Haunting began 1 day into my first round of 75 Hard and has stuck with me ever since. The thoughts of quitting. The thoughts of doubt. The Thoughts of having a cheat meal. The thoughts of having a beer after a long day. The thoughts of wondering if this is all worth the struggle. All of these thoughts and several others clouded my brain on day one and still fight to take control even now. Thankfully I have learned tools to combat and kill these thoughts before they manifest, but this doesn't negate the fact that they still occur. After all, I am human like every single one of you and I want those of you struggling to keep going to know that I am struggling right next to you.

You see, we have all been indoctrinated by several forces out there that you either have it or you don't. You have grit or you don't. You have perseverance or you don't. You have confidence or you don't. You have self-esteem/self-belief or you don't. You have discipline and determination or you don't. In short, you either have all of the positive qualities that lead to a fulfilling life or you don't.

I personally fell victim to this way of thinking all of my life and those of you that have been following my journey know this to be true. Little did I know that all of these "fixed traits" above are actually skills you can teach yourself if you take the time to do so. Obviously, my version of this curriculum has been the 75 Hard/Live Hard program and I highly recommend you all do it at least once; your future selves will thank you for it.

That aside, I really need you all to know that the person you see today is a constant work in progress. I have to fight to stay ahead of my own mind every day. I have to fight the urge to quit and choose the easy way every day. So why continue to fight? Why continue to deal with the pain and adversity? What is the reward and is it really worth it?

I continue to fight because I never fought before in my life. I know if I quit I am done. If I quit I will go back to being the morbidly obese, anxiety ridden, binge drinking Garrett that a lot of the people around me use to love. That old Garrett is the one who haunts me, but Hemercules is the equivalent of the damn Ghostbusters because the old Garrett is gone and will stay gone for as long I am alive. Going forward, I glady choose the pain and adversity of a fulfilling life over the pain and adversity of the mediocre life I lived before. The rewards I seek aren't the likes, compliments or anything external. The rewards I seek are internal. I spent the majority of my life seeking the validation of others, but never myself; this new life has changed that. The only competition that matters to me going forward is me against me. Hemercules against Garrett. Tranquility against chaos.

In closing, "all I know for sure is that I exist; therefore, I will complete what I start. I will take pride in my effort and in my performance in ALL phases of life; just because I am here! If I am lost, I will find myself. As long as I am on planet Earth, I will not half ass it. Anywhere I lack, I will improve because I exist and I am willing".* #Neverfinished

Stay in the fight and Stay hard everyone!

- Hemercules

*This was an excerpt from David Goggin's Never Finished. I felt that this passage was the perfect way to close out this post and I highly urge all of you to check out the book yourself!